Finding Freedom in Limits

I love to keep my options open; to be able to pivot and do anything at the drop of a hat. Until very recently, I was convinced that true freedom was just that – having the flexibility to do whatever I wanted at any given moment. But if that was true freedom, why didn’t I feel free?

There were days when I felt exhausted by decision fatigue, from leaving all my options open as much as possible so that every moment was a decision. This constant need to decide was wearing me out. I was limping along in my so-called “freedom” when I read The Common Rule by  Justin Whitmel Earley as part of our Fellows summer reading. I remember the moment I read a line that stopped me in my tracks: “What if the good life doesn't come from having the ability to do what we want but from having the ability to do what we were made for? What if true freedom comes from choosing the right limitations, not avoiding all limitations?”  

The next morning in class with the Fellows, we explored what shaping our lives toward what we were made for could look like. I squirmed as I began to come up with ideas for how to make time with the Lord a more protected space in my daily routine. I felt the press against my  “no-limits-none-ever” thinking, something Earley spoke of in his book. I knew what I needed to do, but I knew it would cost me in a couple of ways. First, I would have to leave social events earlier than I wanted to in order to get to bed earlier so I could wake up for time with the Lord. Second, starting my day with the Lord would likely mean choosing stillness even though I knew there were other things that I needed to get done. 

Could it be that my fear of commitment to a schedule or a plan came from a lack of trust in the Lord? I didn’t trust that the Lord would provide for me relationally, so I felt I needed to say yes to everything and stay as long as possible at social events if I wanted strong friendships. I also didn’t trust that the Lord would help me accomplish the things He had called me to, so I felt I had to skip my time with him and get started on those things as soon as possible. 

As I’ve begun to trust the Lord with my social life and my to-do list, I’ve noticed a pleasant shift in my feelings about schedules and plans. I’ve begun to view them as protective safeguards for prioritizing my most valuable relationship. Thanks to my time in the Chattanooga Fellows Program, I am starting to view routines and schedules as friends and not enemies, and I am humbled by the reminder that I need the Lord’s help to trust him even in moments as small as missing a game of fishbowl.